Disney's Snow White: The next disappointing chapter in their live action remakes.

Riot’s Reviews: Disney’s Snow White

Live action remakes (LARs). They’re polarizing, gimmicky, campy, and inconsistent. But when they hit (for whatever reason) they hit big, kind of like playing single numbers on a roulette table. Unfortunately for the LARs, the evolution of social media has dramatically altered the way that news surrounding film production gets out. For Disney’s Snow White, things couldn’t have been made worse because of this. The news cycles were a slew of never ending controversies, from celebrities like Peter Dinklage inserting his opinions, to a whole montage’s worth of contentious clips from the film’s lead Rachel Zegler, and off screen drama fueled by political ideologies. Years have passed, budgets have ballooned through reshoots, and fans have been waiting (probably not anxiously) to find out if Disney will have another massive gem on their hands, or if they’ll be biting into a poison apple.

It was definitely the apple, but this LAR was dealing with pre-existing issues before certain stars/starlets decided to speak out. I’m batting somewhere around 50% when it comes to the Disney LARs and if I had to pick one word to sum up my overall experience with them, I’d inevitably land on: meh. There’s a lot of reasons for this as far as I’m concerned and it likely affirms why they (as a genre) are often so polarizing. 1) People don’t really want to see a shot-for-shot remake and they often are. 2) The CGI versions of Disney cartoon characters often don’t look right or at the very least are off putting. 3) I don’t think anybody really asked to have their favorite children’s films “reimagined.” Again, these are my opinions about the issue, but that’s also the general impression I get from reading comments online. I think what it all boils down to is this: there hasn’t been a LAR that has changed the game for Disney or film-making in general. More often than not, I’d argue these films are getting exposed as money grabs and they do not do enough to either set themselves apart from the rest of the field, or elevate the original content they are based on.

So what exactly is the problem with Snow White? Mainly, it feels aimless. Their countless re-shoots has to be the source of the problem here. The Dinklage controversy arguably kneecapped this production in the worst way possible. Not only for the fact that he single-handedly pulled up the ladder so other actors couldn’t be able to be a part of this film, but it forced Disney’s hand in creating the animated Dwarves. I apologize ahead of time for saying this, but the final product is something straight out of my nightmares. After their initial appearance I was reminded of the trolls from Ernest Scared Stupid and was never able to recover from there. They definitely fall under the “off putting” category of characters that simply did not translate well from cartoon to CGI (and for that matter, neither did the cutesy, anime-eyed forest animals; either they look like real creatures or they don’t, pick a lane).

Now I say arguably, because if I am being real, the worst thing about Snow White is the performance that we got from Gal Gadot (The Evil Queen). No matter how much she looks the part physically, her performance is so awkward and ham-fisted, it is exceptionally difficult to take her seriously throughout the whole film (and her singing isn’t much better). The retcon of her motivations doesn’t help and neither does the backwards and insane explanation/source of her powers. I won’t spoil it, but the climax of the film is the definition of Ryan George’s, “it’s gonna be super easy, barely an inconvenience.” As for Rachel Zegler, the only person getting consistent praise online for her performance, I find myself all the way back at “meh.” She’s got a fantastic voice to be sure, but there is something about her facial expressions, the awful haircut, and the far-too-literal costume design that all culminates into something I can only describe as visually awkward. It seems awfully strange to take creative liberties with major plot points of the film and the aesthetics for The Evil Queen, but then ritualistically stick to the original design for Snow White. Creative liberties have an extremely difficult needle to thread.

For as much as outside politics became an issue for the leads in real life, the creators injected quite a bit that didn’t end up being remotely compelling or helpful to the story (I didn’t understand the necessity of having Doc morally justify thievery, but that’s just me I guess). For all the s*** talking that came from the film’s stars about the original, darn near every major plot point remained (more or less) intact in its recreation. Meanwhile, the story becomes so bloated with all of the extra (and unnecessary) stuff the creators were trying to inject into the story, it all becomes a confusing, jumbled mess. They didn’t have to turn the Prince into a common thief. They didn’t have to have strictly animated Dwarves. They didn’t have to impose a complicated backstory about apples to make them any more appealing for Snow White to eat. They didn’t have to make the magic of this story overly complicated.

Does Snow White succeed in any way? Most of the music/singing is pretty fantastic and because the creators didn’t necessarily demolish the bare bones of the story, you get most of the nostalgia that all of these films are desperately trying to cash out on. Visually, if you can get past the unnecessary shines (literally) that are put on too many scenes, there is some really cool, non-CGI’d, sets scattered throughout. The costume design isn’t the worst thing ever (except for an all-white adaptation to close the movie out). And for all its inconsistencies storyline wise, I think kids will genuinely enjoy the film. Will this all translate to big bucks for Disney? I’m putting my money on “No” and because my theater membership “paid” for my ticket, I’m happy to say I didn’t have to do any bank account damage to watch this film.

Riot’s Rating: 4.5/10: Parents, I genuinely think your kids will be fine with this one, as long as they can get past the uncanny valley that is the 7 Dwarves. I would say be prepared for some boredom, you will probably feel every second of the 1 hour and 49 minute runtime. If I had children, I’d save my money for Lilo and Stitch.